I couldn’t sleep last night…probably because I’m retired and think it’s my duty to take a nap every afternoon, but that’s a story for another day.
So… last night it occured to me that I have distinct and clear memories of every fall I’ve taken since elementary school. Let’s explore that issue, shall we?
- I was in 5th grade. Our favorite substitute was with another class on the playground. She (Karen Carhart Perkins) was the coolest woman I’d ever met. She was tall and thin, an ex stewardess (this is before they became flight attendants) who drove a mustang convertible and smoked. I knew this because my mother witnessed he “shameful” emptying of the car’s ashtray. Anyway, as my friends and I raced toward her for hugs, I stumbled and fell hard. Keep in mind the Couch elementary school playground in 1967 was pretty much a rock quarry. I was humiliated and BLOODY. But hugs happened anyway….
- Skip forward to 1977. The Couch High School Indians basketball team was in the state tournament and playing in Springfield at SMS (now Missouri State) in MacDonald arena. True to fashion, my parents wanted to eat before the game at the Piccadilly cafeteria in Battlefield Mall. It was raining so Daddy let me out at the entrance as not to get my cheerleading uniform (an ever so cute black and white number with red fringe) wet. Great idea except the rain had caused the concert to be slippery. I was running and my saddle oxfords failed me. I’m quite certain I went airborn and landed on my back, providing shoppers with an unexpected experience. Adding insult to injury…. we lost the gam
- The next exhibition of my lack of coordination is circa 1982. I’m in Europe having the time of my life with approximately 40 of my William Woods besties. We’re touring and visiting yet another castle when my toe catches the concrete and I do a HARD fall. My purse and camera spattered on the ancient grounds….. the film flies out of the camera (yes youngsters, cameras used to have FILM. My numerous Alpha Phi sisters were there but since I failed to break anything we all laughed. Gwen, I’m looking at YOU.
- Fast forward to Brookland teaching days. As per usual I am leaving my classroom in the afternoon with hands full and a can of diet coke. My ever so cute shoes slipped on the hall decline and I fell/slid all the way down. I raised the diet coke can and nary a drop was spilled. I’m sure I was on camera but the admin must not have been watching.
- Staying in the school lane, it was Nettleton this time. My classroom had an outdoor entrance making it ever so convenient. On this particular morning I’m carrying all the necessary items for a teacher’s lounge potluck. I catch my toe (again) and go flying across the room on my belly. Thank God for tupperware lids or my classroom carpet would have bitten the dust. Which leads me to ask…If a teacher falls in the classroom and nobody sees it does it make a sound?
- Next on the list….for some reason I think it’s a great idea to visit “Lil bit of Christmas” at ASU after work. I’m tired but ready to enjoy. Going into the Convocation Center I trip on the sidewalk, my watch buries into my arm and breaks and I’m once again humiliated in front of the masses. There was blood so I thought it best to take my”lil bit of dignity” home.
- This time I can’t remember the exact year…. but Carter was playing on a traveling soccer team and we had a tournament in Mountain Home. I do remember that it was tax season so it’s just Carter and me…. after checking into the hotel we head out to eat. Everything’s fine. I pay and we’re out the door. Here’s the rub. I had on a new pair of platform sandals….so darn cute…. but as we’re walking out one of those suckers turned on me. I didn’t fall at first…it was one of those “I can stop it” kind of falls. This time I plow into a concrete pole. Yes, there were people watching but we didn’t know them so it was ok. I had the bruise of my life on my chest…. I’m thinking we won the tournament so it was worth the sacrifice of my dignity (again)
- in 2007-8 Coach Randy Coleman decided Carter Callahan would be the JHS quarterback. The Callahan’s were all up in it. When Randy told us the Quarterback camp at North Texas would be a good idea we were ready. Well…..I was, Jack had to work. Off to North Texas Carter and I go. We navigated through the Dallas traffic to Denton and I was quite satisfied with myself. As we were checking in that day I quickly observed the absence of any females. The testosterone was thick. Football players, football fathers, college players…..it was a sight. I was no doubt enjoying the view when my pink flip flop caught on the carpet. Keep in mind that my flip flops matched my pants and I was pretty proud of myself. After splattering in front of the audience……several “he-men” coaches and players came to my rescue. Carter was, I’m certain, embarrassed to death. His only words? MOM, PICK YOUR FEET UP. Needless to say I was the only pink pant, flip flop wearing music teacher that camp had every seen………staying on this trip…the next morning I was filling the rolling cooler with ice from the hotel ice machine since it was hotter than….well, hotter than Texas. As I pulled the cooler out of the room it turned on me and I fell unceremoniously in the hotel hallway. This time nobody saw it…. as I returned to the room I thought…..I have to laugh about this with somebody. I immediately called my friend Janis who loves to laugh at people…and we cackled together.
- This time I’m home. Jack and I are watching SNL and suddenly we hear what sounded like a shot. Once we realized it wasn’t, we saw a bottle of sparking wine had blown it’s cork and shot off the wall. The liquid was dipping from the wine cabinet all over the floor…. Jack yells ” quick, get a roll of paper towels” and I scurry to the pantry to get them. As I’m hurrying back I miss the step into the kitchen and slide across the floor. I silently get up and go to the den with the towels without acknowledging my fall. Jack was irritated enough already.
- Last one, I promise. After having Gamma Knife Surgery on my brain I’m wobbly. I’m ok, just a little wobbly. My dear friend Sandra has invited me to lunch at Sue’s Kitchen. She’s being ever so kind and says let me pull up to the door and let you out. She did. I manage to trip on the concrete again and fall face first. Sandra is terrified because she can’t see me and thinks she’s run over me. If you know Sandra, that in itself it funny. I popped my face and was sure I knocked out my teeth. Of course there were men having lunch who were watching the whole thing. One young man came out of the restaurant to help me get up. It was so dang embarrassing…. but after Sandra calmed down and I realized my front teeth were intact was had a great laugh
There are many things to learn from my picadillos. Growing up there was a wonderful older lady in. my church named Ella Dotson. She often quoted Proverbs 16:18 which says
Pride goeth before destruction, And a haughty spirit before a fall….
Boy, am I in trouble.
In the midst of our current world situation I thought today might be a good day to laugh…. and if it’s at my expense I’m ok with it. Enjoy……and remember that everytime I go to the doctor in Houston they ask if I’ve fallen in the past 2 weeks.
And I hesitate before answering.
Not this time
Walking Home 